Gentlemen, (Re)Start Those Engines!
Spicy Blog Returns
Life tosses you curve balls; you adjust your stance and swing away. Strike out and you sit on the bench for a while, wondering how Charlie Brown must have felt. Then you play right field for, like, three dog years (that’s five months for most of us) while the other team bats around a couple of times. Picking daisies and forgetting to keep your glove on.
Then like magic, it’s your turn to bat again! You dig in…
So dig in, fans! The Chile Doctor is back in the box, and ready to hit the heat. Better yet, ready to Enjoy the Heat. Between now and July 1, new recipes, new opinions, and new food news will pour forth like a spicy Niagra Falls. (Would you believe, like a leaky Tabasco faucet?) And to tide you over until next time, a bit of news… (Okay, it’s really not that new. But I can’t call it “Olds” because that’s a car. Get it? I crack me up, sometimes.)
New Threat to Air Travel Security
Noxious fumes caused an Alitalia flight from Miami to Milan to make an emergency stop in Boston. The crew was “overcome by the odor and donned oxygen masks,” then declared an emergency and headed for the safety of the ground. The FAA determined the problem wsa caused by 10,000 pounds of minced onions in the cargo hold. The offending allium bits were removed and the plane continued on.
But not to worry, there’s good news from all this. The Department of Homeland Security has directed the FAA to add bulk minced onions to the “No Fly” list. Now doesn’t that make you feel a whole lot better?
Enjoy the Heat!
Friday Follies VIII
Table of contents for Friday Food Follies
As the Holiday season approaches I thought I’d share some festive colors and a bit of news that’ll make you smile. First, though, I have to report on the Grinch, English style…
The New International Face of Ronald McDonald
The English reputation as a land of cheesed-off, narky misanthropes has been validated once again. Seems with Christmas approaching, McDonald’s in England has begun to impose fines on some of its diners. The British newspaper The Guardian, through Fox News, is reporting that drive-through customers will be fined up to 125 British pounds Sterling (about $250 U.S.) if they take too long to eat and leave. Seems these folks don’t like to eat indoors, but would rather park and eat in their car. And they bloody well take their time, too! If they stay longer than 45 minutes, however, then Ronald the Parking Cop goes out and assesses a fine.
More details:
Motorists who care to linger over their McMeals for any longer at some drive-throughs are receiving demands from a private company that manages car parks for the burger chain. If they do not pay, the fee rises steadily and customers are threatened with court action and approached by bailiffs.
Of course, they’re really not that mean at Mickey D’s Steak House. A spokeswoman for McDonald’s said only about 40 restaurants are affected, and that you can have a nice leaflet explaining the policy if you’d like. A little something to read as you snarf down your Brit-favourite Big Mac and Chips. (Shoot, the Big Mac is so popular over there that they even serve them in schools.)
Hawaiian SPAM Mystery Solved
It’s no secret, Hawaii has always been the largest per-capita consumer of that indestructible comestible, SPAM. ever since its introduction in 1927 (It got it’s name in 1937, so this is officially SPAM’s 70th birthday, in the Year of the Pig), Hawaii has been in love with the product. They’re not the only ones who love this delectable, dare I say enchanting, grub? In the unofficial SPAM story we read:
Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia (where the fried balogna sandwich is the state dish) eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week. Nowhere on earth is SPAM more exalted than in Korea, where it is sold in stylish presentation gift boxes (nine cans to the box), and where there is a booming black market in SPAM.
There is even a song about SPAM, and plenty of poetry about it. The question is, what makes this stuff so popular, so mind-riveting? And especially for Hawaiians…
Well, the last question is now answered. Matthew Gray, former chef to the stars, has puzzled out the roots of Hawaii’s mysterious fascination with SPAM. It’s so revolutionary, so overwhelming, that I can’t even tell you about it here! (It’s the Code of the West, you know; and Hawaii’s about as West as you can go.) Indeed, you’ll have to set your Tivo to capture his show (”10 Things You Don’t Know About Hawaii,” subtitled, “Strange customs, weird places and local color of Hawaii;” December 19th, 8 PM ET/PT, on the Travel Channel) so you can see for yourself why the Islands are the place to be for SPAM cuisine. Part of the answer must lie in the succulent dish that is SPAM Musubi. Once you’ve eaten musubi, you’ll never go back to Poi with Vienna Sausages again…
Enjoy the Heat! (With Pineapple)
Restaurant Review: Joe DiMaggio’s Italian Chophouse
The years roll by, and before you know it, you are celebrating 21 years together. (Yes, it could happen to you; if you’re lucky, that is.) Paula Jo decided we should celebrate with a special meal, just the three of us. We loaded up our favorite Designated Driver and headed over to a new restaurant here in Austin: Joe DiMaggio’s Italian Chophouse.
Okay, that makes it sound more spontaneous than it really happened. We knew DiMaggio’s had just opened in a new, upscale shopping area known as the Domain, near IBM’s “Pink Palace” on Burnet Road. We suspected, because it’s fairly new and we wanted to eat there on Friday night, that we’d need reservations. That was more than true, but DiMaggio’s uses both phone-in reservations and a real-time web service known as Open Table. I’d never heard of them, but they worked well for us and we had a table reserved in a couple of minutes. When we arrived at the restaurant, they were expecting us. Turns out, as soon as you make a reservation through Open Table it shows up at the maitre d’s greeting station. Very nice!
The layout of the restaurant is novel, with plenty of eating areas that can be partitioned off from the main room and bar. This time of year there are lots of corporate holiday parties going on (there were two the night we were there), so their arrangement makes it possible to get maximum activity. We had a late slot for dinner (after 9 P.M.), but the place was still hopping! The bar was especially active.
The decor is well done, with dark woods, leather-covered sofa-booths, and just the right lighting. Lots of New York atmosphere, covering the Thirties through the Fifties and a little beyond, with plenty of interesting pictures of “Joltin’ Joe” from throughout his life. (I was a bit concerned there would be too much focus on Marilyn Monroe, but that part was quite understated.) They have a nice wine selection room, and great outdoor seating. The outdoor area was busy, as the evening was warm and still for this time of year. Lots of stonework, fireplaces, and soft, cushiony sofas make the al fresco experience at DiMaggio’s very inviting.
And what of the food, you ask? We give DiMaggio’s very high marks overall. We began our evening with an antipasto plate that was delightful, with prosciutto di Parma, salami, Parmigiano and Bocconcini cheeses, marinated olives and pepperoncini, and more. A great start to the meal! There were several other nice appetizers listed on the menu, including Fritto Misto (calamari, shrimp, veggies, lemon roulade) and Baked Cambozola Cheese. We were pleased with our choice, but we’ll try others on our next visit. 
For main courses we chose Baked Goat Cheese Ravioli (for Jessica), a New York Strip (for the occasionally carnivorous Paula Jo), and Veal Marsala (for me). Unfortunately, Jessica’s dish was sold out, a risk with daily-prepared dishes whenever you eat late at an upscale grillroom. Oh well. The chef suggested she try the Braciole, and she wasn’t disappointed. Her veal was stuffed with great flavors (prosciutto cotto, provolone, pine nuts and more), and was more than she could get around. The tomato demi sauce served with the rolls was one of the best I’ve ever tasted!
Paula Jo’s steak was done just the way she liked, and accompanied by tasty sides: Parmesan Potato Gratin and seasonal veggies. My veal dish was outstanding, and I was rather saddened when it ran out. My entrée was accompanied by mushrooms, mashed potatoes and spinach; normally I don’t care for spinach, but this edition was very tasty. Probably had way too much butter on it for my health, which is just fine; butter, like fine Scotch or bacon, is one of those things where too much is just right.
We had a wine with the meal, and I decided to splurge on a whole bottle. (Hey, if you can’t splurge after 21 years, then don’t go!) The decision wasn’t easy, but I found a Peppoli Chianti Classico, and it was a great choice. The flavors were complex enough to support the steak dinner, and not so overpowering that it clashed with the Veal Marsala. Of course, Veal Marsala has more flavor than many veal dishes; I’m not sure this chianti would work well with lighter flavors. The vintage was 2005, young for many reds, but we thoroughly enjoyed the whole bottle. Good thing we had a captive, er, exceptional designated driver handy!
We’ll be back to Joltin’ Joe’s for sure…
Joe DiMaggio’s Italian Chophouse can be found in the Domain, at 11410 Century Oaks Terrace; between Braker Lane and Burnet Road, along north MoPac. This location is the second for this restaurant; the original is in San Francisco, on Union Street in the North Beach area; Joe’s birthplace!
Enjoy the (Sluggin’) Heat!
Friday Follies VII
Table of contents for Friday Food Follies
Okay, last week’s Follies were a bit top-heavy, but fun. This week’s will be short and sweet, thanks to a bandit with a sweet tooth. Among other oddities…
Madison, WI: Just Rollin’ Along…
It’s a good thing cops use carcams these days, or this story would have been missed by most folks. Seems a drunken bandit, one Warrent G. Whitelightning (See? There IS a God, and with a sense of humor!), carjacked (truckjacked?) a Krispy Kreme driver while a delivery was being made. A moderate-speed chase ensued, with doughnuts flying all over the road. The bandit’s ploy of plopping fat pills on the tarmac didn’t work. One cop, A University of Wisconsin policeman, had the discipline to follow in the food-strewn wake of the stolen truck. I guess the others were stopping and picking up the free breakfast or something. But hey, it only takes one when the vehicle is a large delivery vehicle driven by an impaired operator.
You can see the video here. A trial has been ordered for the alleged assailant; rumors are that law enforcement will be greatly in attendance, hoping for free samples.
In related Krispy Kreme news, their stock was reportedly up 20% the next day. I guess the old saw that “any publicity is good publicity” must be true…
Newsweek: The Baby-Bakin’ Business
The current issue of Newsweek has an interesting article on food and fertility. Up to now, food’s been blamed for everything from the “obesity epidemic” to bunions to nose hair. Fortunately, this article doesn’t take a simplistic approach to the issue of how nutrition affects human reproduction. It does point out, however, that we know a lot more about how food affects fertility in pigs and sheep than we do in people. Puritanism strikes again!
There’s a nice adjunct article with some great recipes. They may not help you get pregnant, but some of them look like they’d be tasty!
When my wife was pregnant some years back, she had several months of “morning sickness.” So I searched and cooked and found a meal she could eat, enjoy, and most importantly, keep down! (Her comment at the time: “Nothing tastes great the second time around.”) We called it Pregnant Stew. Here’s the recipe:
- 1 lb ground beef
- 1 yellow onion, chopped
- 2 tsp minced garlic
- 2 stalks celery, sliced
- 1 can diced tomatoes
- 1 can (16 oz) tomato sauce
- lemon pepper, to taste
- salt, to taste
- ½ to 1 lb carrots, sliced
- 1½ lb potatoes, sliced
Brown the beef and onions; transfer to a stewpot. Add garlic, celery, tomatoes and sauce; season and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Add carrots and potatoes; reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until veggies are tender, about 20 minutes. That’s it!
Unlike the Newsweek article, this stuff won’t help your fertility (I think), but it tastes good enough that you’ll think you’re carrying twins after you load up on it…
This Little Piggie Went to the Baseball Game (on Market Street)
You think your life is hard? Think of those poor sports mascots! This poor guy didn’t even get to start his job with his fan-favorite name before he was embroiled in controversy. Then again, what do you expect when your “name” is PorkChop?
The Lehigh Valley IronPigs, an affiliate (AAA level) of the Phillies baseball club, held a contest to choose a new name for their mascot, an oversized, furry pig. More than 7,300 folks voted, and PorkChop won. But before the first game with PorkChop on the field, complaints were filed. Guillermo Lopez, vice president of the Latino Leadership Alliance, said he was called “pork chop” when he worked at Bethlehem Steel years ago, and that his parents (now deceased) would be upset to learn about the mascot’s new name. (I could get on a rant about names, considering what I was called as a teenager working a construction site; sometimes, these folks need to get a life. But I digress.)
Anyway, the mascot still has a job. The same job. Only now his name is the much more exciting (and food-relevant) Ferrous. As in the wheel at the carnival, right next to the hot dog stand you like so much…
Enjoy the Heat!
Friday Food Follies VI
Table of contents for Friday Food Follies
It’s been a tough week, fighting blog security issues and dealing with all the pre-Christmas details. So it’s time to lighten up with some food news! This week we bring you the best in food fights, fattening fare and fasinating foodcams. Lest we get too carried away, we will also provide a leavening of sad news; but let’s leave that for the end, shall we?
All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go But to Ronald’s House
Memphis, Tennessee is apparently upgrading its nightlife. A recent report of a fun time brouhaha at a McDonald’s there highlights this emerging trend.
Seems a trio of transvestites hit the late-night drive-through at McDonald’s, just looking for a little respect; oh, and maybe a few thousand calories of burgers, fries, and such. When employee Martez Brisco ignored them at the drive-thru, the frivolity escalated:
Restaurant employee Martez Brisco was working the drive-through window when he reportedly got into an argument with the suspects. When Brisco ignored them tapping at the window, they came in. “They come to the window, ‘Tap, tap, tap.’ I’m still ignoring them,” Brisco told WMC-TV. “I guess that just pissed them off worser.”
The Tres Amigos came inside, bringing a tire-iron as a stimulus, and proceeded to stimulate the night manager. They may wear aunt Matilda’s knickers, but they come ready to party! It’s reported the drag queens took off their earrings and stiletto-heeled boots before engaging in their vigorous physical exercise; wouldn’t want an earlobe pulled out, that really, really hurts! (I wouldn’t know, I only heard about it.) And besides, you can’t get a really powerful swing without good footing, and four-inch heels just aren’t that stable. Trust me.
The manager, a fellow named Bolton, was scratched repeatedly by the cross-dressers’ long, faux nails, but he fought back gamely. He tossed a pot of scalding-hot french-fry grease at the trio, who retaliated by smacking him down with the wet floor sign; you know, the one with “Piso Mojado” on it? (Why anybody would Piso on the Mojado, I don’t know.) Bolton was finally transported to the hospital, but not until after the attackers left in a huff and broke the drive-through window as they drove off.
I guess that final, spiteful action was because they knew they couldn’t get any fries with anything, what with the grease spilled and all. Now McDonald’s will have to send another whole thingie of oil to that site; and the paperwork!
The moral is, don’t ignore those funny-looking guys in the hot-pants and miniskirts! They’re just like everybody else; in Memphis, at least…
She’s Not Heavy, She Eats Ice Cream…
Okay, it’s not the best lyric you ever sung along to. But Health Magazine, in conjunction with iVillage and the Today Show, are presenting a case that ice cream, red meat, eggs, pizza and even Canadian bacon can help you lose weight and keep it off. Where are the Mythbusters when you need them?
The article is great, as far as it goes. But for a Real Man, it clearly doesn’t go far enough. And for most women, I bet it’s not in line with their usual eating habits. Red meat: Limit intake to a piece the size of a deck of cards?? Well, doesn’t somebody sell some larger cards? Please?? And the ice cream comments, based on a report by the Swedes; half a cup? Man, that’s like, only four ounces! How can you beat down a good depression with that small an amount of ice cream?
It’s clearly unworkable, and so I think it’s a conspiracy. (Mel Gibson’s got nothing on me!) You see, it works like this: The meat and dairy producers are hurting, what with all the folks dieting right after Thanksgiving (or getting ready to do so, in January). So they’ve found a clever way to get you to eat more: Tell you it’s good for you! So you get a little down, you eat a quart of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, with extra sprinkles. While watching a Mel Gibson movie. (I suggest any of the Lethal Weapon franchise.) Then you realize what you’ve done, and you get really depressed, so you chow down on pizza, burgers, and another quart of ice cream for dessert. Pretty soon, you’re getting your clothes tailored by Goodyear, and the food industries are richer than ever.
Yeah, that’s gotta be it.
The Most Fascinating Webcam (Involving Food)
I know many of you are avid webcam junkies. (Don’t worry, I won’t tell your spouse.) If you want to see a truly riveting presentation, then point your browser here. Believe me, you’ve never seen anything like it. Ever.
I watched this site for hours, I couldn’t move! It was more fascinating than Emeril Live reruns. (More on that later.) Of course, when the doorbell rang I was startled out of my slumber and then I was cranky all afternoon; I don’t do well if my nappie gets interrupted.
So Go! Visit now! There have been over 1.7 million views so far, and there’s only about 23 days left! Don’t wait, you might miss it. Or as my father-in-law said, “You snooze, you snooze.”
And Now For the Bad News
It’s not all Follies out there. Some truly disheartening news came over the wire this week, and I feel compelled to share it with you. I actually have two pieces of bad news, and I’m in a quandary about which to share with you first. So let’s get started…
The End of an Era
The Associated Press is reporting the passing of an old friend: Emeril Live will cease production after ten years and more than 1,000 shows. The last live taping will take place on December 11th in New York. (Better hurry and get your tickets!)
This is truly sad news. How many folks across America, and indeed around the world, learned from Emeril to give a standing ovation for garlic? How many cooks now yell out “Bam!” when they season their dishes? And how many home chefs can’t really cook a great dinner without their band playing in the breakfast nook? (I know I can’t.) Yes, it’s a watershed event, history at its purest.
But buck up, friends. Emeril will still appear (pretty much) daily on the Food TV Network, as his other show, “The Essence of Emeril,” will still be taping and airing regularly. At least until that contract comes up for renewal next year. And Food TV is committed to airing reruns, as well as having Emeril involved with “specials and other development opportunities in the future,” Food Network publicist Carrie Welch told The Associated Press.
So see, it’s not all bad news! You can still get your daily fix of Emeril. You may even get to hear a classic “Oh yeah, babe!” or “It’s a pork fat thing” some evenings.
Who Says There’s No Inflation in This Economy? Not Anheuser-Busch
It’s the little things in life. Except for when it’s the big things. Like inflation. Up to now, nobody’s raised much of a fuss. However, the rise in prices has now taken an ugly turn: 2008 will be the Year of More Expensive Beer. Yes, they’re going to hit you right where it hurts the most: The Beer Belly.
Seems there were some small price increases in 2007, barely enough to keep giant Anheuser-Busch in the black. They now expect that demand for domestic beer will firm up in 2008 and they can increase prices enough to meet their lofty growth goals. To help this effort, they plan to double their spending on advertising in the coming year.
Look for more inane commercials than ever, including a “surprise” series of Superbowl ads with the Bud Light young Clydesdales in a mud-wrestling championship. Or something. And it could get ugly as the Beer Wars heat up to grab all that filthy lucre. So sit back, pop open a cold one (if you can afford it) and enjoy the show!
Stop the Presses! Breaking News!! Al Gore Got It Wrong!!!
This just in: The Real Reason global warming is destroying the planet has finally been determined! And Al Gore (who now has won three useless prizes: The popular vote, an Emmy, and a Nobel Peace Prize) was WRONG!!!
Mark it down, you heard it here first. The Real Reason lies north of us. Canada, to be exact. Yes, our funny-talking, hockey-stick-wielding, hard-drinking cousins are responsible for man-made global warming. It says so right here! So it’s not gas from domesticated bovines, nor methane from the ocean. It’s not even the latest idea, earthworm farts. It’s Canadian beer lovers and their inefficient beer refrigerators.
“People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles,” British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. “Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people - let’s hope it has an effect.”
Of course it has an effect! But nobody in Canada will believe their beloved beer fridges are a “frivolous luxury.” I mean, would you? I certainly wouldn’t, and to make me even more resistant to Dr. Yarrow’s message, I’m down to only two beer fridges as it is!
To dig even deeper, to get to the real root of the problem:
The problem is that the beer fridges are mostly decades-old machines that began their second careers as beverage dispensers when Canadians upgraded to more energy-efficient models to store whatever Canadians eat besides doughnuts and poutine.
University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat - methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.
So you see? It’s a major threat for sure, but we can get these ozone-destroying, coal-and-gas-guzzling monstrosities out of service with a simple piece of social engineering! The same mechanism we’ve used so successfully for years here in the States, to get guns out of the hands of criminals. (And like my Canadian brethren, they’ll get my beer fridge When they pry my cold, dead lips off the last bottle.)
Now doesn’t that make you feel better? So relax, and
Enjoy the (Humorous) Heat!
