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Best New Products: Baconnaise!

Baconnaise Logo

Everybody knows that any dish tastes better with bacon. (Well, anybody from the South, that is.) And until now, you had to actually fry up some bacon to get that delicious taste on your bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Or peanut butter, banana and margarine sandwich. Whichever you enjoy the most, of course.

Well, now you don’t have to grab out the skillet every time you want some pork-fat goodness on a sandwich! Thanks to the inventors of Bacon Salt, you can now get all the bacony aroma and drool-inducing flavor you want without smellling up the double-wide with all those smoky fumes. Baconnaise is here!

Besides, don’t you already have a lifetime supply of bacon drippings saved up? I bet you have to feed the extra pan fat to your coon dogs as it is. (Beats having to use it up in the bedroom.)

This spread is an excuse to eat nothing but sandwiches the rest of your life. It’ll also explain your sudden weight gain, so if anybody asks, just show them some empty jars and they’ll understand. And if they don’t, you don’t have to share with them.

Baconnaise comes in two types: Real Man Regular and Punk-Ass Sissy Light. I think maybe the Light version is sold only north of the Dixon-Mason Line, say up around Dallas or somewheres. Either one can be ordered online, of course. Just store the Light version where the neighbors can’t see and you’ll be okay.

So run out and buy a case of Baconnaise and you’ll be set! Makes a great gift for the upcoming Holidays too. Just remember, you don’t have to taste-test every jar to be sure it’s the real stuff, okay?

Enjoy the (Creamy Bacon) Heat!


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