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Friday Follies: Calling All Ghouls, It's Halloween Candy Time!

Pumpkin Candy

It’s not really up to typical Follies level, but there are some smiles (and a chuckle or two) in the news leading up to our favorite diabetic coma inducing holiday event: Halloween. Okay, it’s not our favorite overall; just our favorite in October…

Here’s one of the ultimate win-win scenarios you’ll ever see this week. At least from a particular perspective, that is. It seems that dentists from Clackamas to the Clarendon Hills are offering to buy back candy from your children. They’re paying $1 a pound for their hard-begged unopened goodies, too! So how is this a win-win? Well, you get to suffer through fewer bellyaches and hyperactive rugrats kids. The kiddos get cash, which is just as good as money for buying unbreakable toys to break other toys with. And our troops overseas get the candy. Which helps the dentists two ways: They look like they’re helping you control juvenile dental caries, AND they’re reaching a whole new market overseas; which said clientele will need additional dental services upon their return to civilian life.

Candy Face

The way I count it, that’s a win-win-win-win, at least. So give those tiresome little beggars costumed cuties full sized pillowcases and a wagon bigger sacks this year! The cash you recoup could reduce the overall cost of Thanksgiving, if not Christmas. (The rumor that I’m going to make my daughter buy her own Christmas gifts out of her collection of candy is downright mean, dastardly, and likely a non-starter anyways; forget I ever brought it up. Besides, at twenty she’s more interested in bringing home boys than ill-gotten calories.)

If you’re tired of giving out the same ol’ same ol’, then consider ordering distinctive Halloween candy online. One of the leading online outlets, A Candy Store, has lots of options. There’s still plenty of time to order and get it to your house so you can give it to the kids (see above). Wholesale prices too; how can you resist?

Halloween Candy Trivia: When was candy corn invented, and by whom? Well, I’ll tell ya. It was invented in the 1880’s (exact date’s still a classified state secret not known) by George Renninger of the (now defunct) Wunderlee Candy Company. Bonus points if you knew that company was in Philadelphia, PA. There’s a nice history of this quintessential confection here.

Halloween Candy Corn

Well, enough about the kiddies. How about the adults? Isn’t there anything for them at Halloween, other than escort duties or putting on some silly costume and acting even more juvenile than usual? This pivotal question is on the dread-filled minds of nearly all adults around this time of year, and the Chile Underground has the answer for you! In two words, actually: Dips and Alcohol.

You can make lots of interesting dips in preparation for the Big Evening. Something in keeping with the theme, of course, but decidedly for adults only. Like a greenish-black dip that looks like swamp sludge, but without the wonderful aroma. Or another greenish concoction that tastes suspiciously like tomatillo salsa. Drop a few candy eyeballs, gummy boogers or crunchy spiders into the bowl and stir a bit, and you’re on your way to a rollicking good time. Your guests will think you made a boo-boo (sorry, couldn’t resist) until they taste it.

And since I’ve already mentioned candy corn, there’s the ultimate anaesthetic Halloween party drink: Candy corn infused vodka cordials. Just sneak some out of the spouse’s secret stash get some everyday vodka, a bit of orange liqueur and a scoop of candy corn, finish with ice, lemon juice and egg white (shaken, not stirred) and you’re almost ready to answer the door again…

Enjoy the (Howlin’ Happy Halloween) Heat!

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