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Can You Get Swine Flu From Being a Pig at the Thanksgiving Table?

No Virus

I felt bad all day. I’m sure it couldn’t be due to overeating on Thanksgiving like a hungry pig at a trough of fresh acorns. Some of my nephews have had the swine H1N1 influenza, but that was weeks ago; they can’t still be infectious, can they? Not that I’m paranoid or anything, you understand.

Anyway, I felt so bad… (How bad did you feel?) I felt so bad I tried to kill myself by taking a whole bottle of placebos. Then I tried a thousand aspirin, but after the first two I felt better so I stopped.

Then I felt worse again. Paula Jo was doing some laundry and found this piece of paper in my jeans; it said “Foxy Roxy.” So she hit me, hard, right up-side the head. I asked what for, and she showed me the paper. I said, “Hon, you know I bet on the ponies with the boys last week. We won $400 on that horse! How do you think I’m going to afford Christmas for you?” Well, then she felt bad and offered to make me my favorite get-well meal. She was about done cooking when the phone rang. I tried to get there first, but I was too weak to move. A few minutes later, PJ came in and whacked me some more on the head. I wanted to know what that was for, and she said, “Your horse called.”

After that I felt too bad to even watch football on TV. Oh, wait; we don’t have TV out here. I felt too bad to write much, though, so the word count isn’t nearly enough to slay the Impossopotamus. The requisite Scorecard: Words Today, 2,470; Total Words, 158,710; Impossopotamus Completion, 96.2%. Remember, I was feeling too bad to write; that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it…

Enjoy the (Hopefully No Viruses) Heat!

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