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Friday Follies: Bacon Wins Again! This Time, It’s Flavored Vodka…

Martini, Straight Up

Spicy MartiniFrom the “What Will They Think of Next?” desk here at the Chile Underground, a breakthrough pairing of food groups: Alcohol and Bacon. I mean, what with all the fusion cuisines out there, how did this one get overlooked for so long? Answer: It wasn’t. It just wasn’t publicized. More on that later.

Yes, the pig is out of the bag now (metaphorically speaking). And into the sauce. Time was, people drank vodka because they didn’t want the alcoholic beverage taste, but they wanted the buzz. (Some of the more cynical, or more experienced, readers might say it was to avoid alcohol breath at work; me, I don’t work, so I wouldn’t know.) Nowadays, unflavored vodka is getting downright hard to find. Certainly the liquor stores have quit stocking it at eye-level, substituting in everything from fruit-flavored vodkas for those sweet, girlie drinks to pepper-infused vodka. You can get soda-flavored vodka, vodka with muscle-building additives, vodka with nut flavors, and vanilla, espresso, banana and olive essences. (I add my own olive flavoring directly, saves some bucks. That is, if I drank vodka, I mean.) There’s stuff that’s good for your immune system (Acai Berry), versions that are good for when you’re depressed (Dutch Chocolate), and choices that help you make great Caribbean drinks (Mojito Mint).

The bacon thing, though; that’s apparently quite new. I say apparently, because we Southerners already knew that a bit of bacon grease in a martini was a good thing. Of course, we maintain that bacon grease makes everything better. Even medicine and fried liver. Put enough bacon fat on it and you can get a dog (or a brother-in-law) to eat cardboard and think it’s pizza.

My loving spouse, who never, ever touches alcohol (except for special occasions, on holidays, at parties, with friends or when alone) once suggested the bacon-vodka option. She was right, of course. (Just don’t tell her I agreed.) Okay, she was talking about putting it in Bloody Marias, but that’s pretty much the same, right? At least it proved to be so, when I tested it. Shoot, I didn’t find a single item in the liquor cabinet that bacon didn’t go with, and I even tried cream sherry, akvavit and sewing machine lubricant. (I still don’t know how THAT got in there, but hey, it was there. Really.) As for “hair of the dog” treatments the morning after, you won’t even have to drink uncooked scrambled eggs or anything; just down a shot or six of the bacon vodka you didn’t drink the night before and you’ll be fine. (You didn’t drink it all, did you? For shame.)

So get out there and try out this new-fangled stuff. Be part of the fashionable crowd for a change! Let your burr cut down, put on a loud shirt (I mean a clean one) and get happy. Just don’t blame me if you get lard breath and you can’t remember what you did with your lampshade…

Enjoy the (Breakfast Martini Juice) Heat!

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