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May is Barbeque and Grilling Month, so Fire'em Up!

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It’s the month that all Real Men suffer through winter for; the month when we get to set fire to things AND play with our food at the same time! We get to explore our inner Cave Man while experimenting with flavors of all sorts: Sweet, tart, salty, vinegary, tongue-scorching and more.

Oh, we tell everyone how much we like cooking for them, and we ask about what kind of meat they want us to prepare, and so on. We talke about marinades like they’re fine wine (like WE know what THAT is), We make sure to pretend we’re listening. Then we go to the market and buy enough sacrificial protein to feed the Spartans at Thermopylae for a week and we get down to Serious Business. It’s primal warfare, I tell you, man against the elements, using every skill and trick we know to keep the hungry wolves at bay.

Those of you who are serious grillers and also married know you’ll have to include chicken (which isn’t so bad), and maybe even some fish. If you’re still married, you know you’ll have to include some veggies too. So don’t fight it, just do as she says and get on with it. Do the meat first, of course! And if it’s always a fight, use that to get a bigger grill. I never complain anymore about the vegetables; I gladly give up nearly 20% of my grill surface to whatever the wifey wants. (Except asparagus; I draw the line at that.) Then again, I now own a grill that is nearly large enough to roast a whole ox, one that measurably contibutes to global warming when I light all the burners off.

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In other words, a minimally adequate cooking machine. Like yours, right? (I thought so.)

This month we at the Chile Underground will leisurely read a few websites scour the Webiverse for the best recipes for you. We’ll delegate the heavy cooking to the wife sweat and toil endlessly, eating until we look like a Percheron suffering from tympanitic colic tasting and judging until we find one or two the best grilling and barbeque recipes available. Which we will then share with you if we feel like it, after our nap.

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“Wrong Grill, Tom! And she doesn’t need your help.”

Oh yes, it’ll be classic Underground service, just as you’re all used to. We won’t even whinge and grouse about how you’re getting all the good stuff without donating to the cause. (Which you haven’t, we noticed; but we’re not bitter. Really.) As always, our best is free to you, and well worth every penny.

So get out the brushes and clean those grills! Stockpile the flammables and the comestibles. Get out that seriously tacky apron, or splurge on a new one. (After all, it’s only money, and not even mine at that.) Then fire’em up; you have nothing to lose but your winter blues (and your eyebrow hair)…

Enjoy the (Sizzling, Smelly Pits) Heat!

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3 comments to May is Barbeque and Grilling Month, so Fire’em Up!