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The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, Part Deux: Let's Get Ready to (Tummy) Rumble!

Coney Dogs

The Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest was anticlimactic this year. Joey “Jaws” Chestnut put down 54 hot dogs in ten minutes to claim clear first at competitive eating’s premier event. A far cry from the 68 dogs that stand as the world’s record (set by Jaws last year), it was still more than ten dogs better than Janus Eater X, who claimed second place. Although this is Joey’s fourth consecutive Mustard Belt, it wasn’t much of a challenge for him.

Why? His main competition, Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi wasn’t on the stage.

Dawg Buns

I thought maybe Taka wasn’t there because he was tired of coming in second to Joey. After all, isn’t that the worst possible position to finish in an extreme eating contest? Your tummy hurts about as much as the winner’s and you don’t have the cash prize to help with your Tums bill. However, there was another reason. It appears the diminuitive icon for extreme eating is having contract difficulties with the event’s organizer, Major League Eating. (I bet you didn’t know the sport had a Major Leagues? And if you don’t consider this a sport, then why does ESPN televise it? Huh??) So Taka sat this one out.

For a bit, that is.

Either hunger or poor judgment intervened, and Kobayashi rushed the stage at the end of the competition, just as Joey was announced as the winner. The Tsunami was no match for New York’s Finest, who arrested him on the spot and charged him with resisting arrest, trespassing, and interfering with governmental affairs.

Dog Eat Dog

Governmental affairs? Where did THAT come from?? I mean, I knew Obama was out to control everything in our lives, but let’s face it, what’s to control in an event like this? And why, for goodness sake? To tax the Pepto that the competitors need afterwards? Sheesh.

Joey was as gracious as ever once Taka was gone. His quote: “If he was a Real Man, he’d be on the stage.” Wait a minute, I thought he was on the stage, at least briefly. The truth is, had Jaws been forced to “mouth it out” (so to speak) with the Tsunami, the body count (of dogs, that is) would have been considerably higher. Joey should be grateful that he could coast to the title in Taka’s absence. Next year may be an entirely different game.

In any case, Taka was removed forcibly from the scene and spent a night in jail. It may have been called a governmental affair, but it sounds like they could have left the “govern” off of the front of that phrase and they’d have been zeroed in on the true nature of the incident…

Enjoy the (Too Many Hot Dogs) Heat!

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