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The Summer of Grilling Continues: Hamburgers, Onions, Pineapple


The weekends were made for grilling, of course. Every Real Man knows that. Now that my package of replacement grill parts arrived Saturday morning, I’m set to produce some Industrial Strength cookout goodies! First, though, I

The denizens of the Ranch were working on fence a lot in the morning, so they didn’t feel like cooking after siesta. I reluctantly volunteered to take that dismal task off their hands. Little did they know that I’d scored a nice batch of fresh pineapple that morning, as well as some really big, Texas 1015 sweet onions. With fresh hamburger and a bag of buns, this began to sound like the start of Something Good. Add some nice seasonings to the burger patties, then fire up the burners and get going.

Pineapple is an amazing fruit, and if you don’t ever grill it you’re missing a special taste. Smoky, sweet, caramelized, juicy! The pineapple I had was already trimmed and cut into spears. Rings are the usual way to find cut, fresh pineapple, or in big chunks. I like the spears because they’re easy to handle with tongs. You can also use wooden skewers, which turns the fruit into “On a Stick,” making it automatically Real Man Food. If you get chunks, though, don’t despair; just put THOSE on sticks, with pieces of bell pepper, onions and some meat. Like chicken or steak. If you put mushrooms, or those cute little golden tomatoes, or (heaven help us) zuchhini, then plan on giving up your Real Man card when the nice officer stops by.

By the way, did you know that pineapple is the only fruit you can use in a mixed drink that won’t invalidate your Real Man status? It’s true. (Just remember, you heard it first here at the Underground. And nowhere else.) Oh, and lime juice, but you knew that. LImes, though; they’re out these days. (Don’t even get me started on kiwi, coconut or <gasp> passionfruit.)

The meal was amazing. (Don’t act so surprised; I got the grill back together just fine. And I DO know how to scorch things.) The fence-builders were appropriately grateful. Granny was especially happy as a) she didn’t have to cook, and b) there were few dishes to clean, as we ate off of leftover Fourth of July picnic plates. I was hoping some of the grilled pineapple would be left after the burgers and trimmings were gone, so I could dice some up for topping my ice cream. No such luck; I had to eat my Blue Bell plain…

Enjoy the (Continued Grilling Season) Heat!

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