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Why Paddy's Not Going to Heaven

Conor Falls

Yes, today’s the most important day in the Irish calendar. Rather than post Yet More Irish Recipes, we here at the Underground thought we’d share some pictures from our last trip to Ireland, and also a bit of their humor:

Father O’Toole storms angrily into a pub in Limerick. As far as the eye can see, Irishmen tipplin’ like the Dáil Èireann‘s going to outlaw uisge beatha (or worse yet, stout and porter) in the morning. He marches over to the nearest patron, one Aidan Quinn, and proceeds to grab him by the ear and turn him around from the bar. Needless to say, young Aidan’s confused; but not for long.

“You want to go to Heaven?” roars Father O’Toole.

Young Quinn says sure, so O’Toole says, “Go stand against the wall by the door, over there.” He points, and Aidan abandons his pint, unfinished, and slinks over to the identified location.

By this time Father O’Toole has the mostly undivided attention of the whole pub. He turns to another nearby patron and says, “Seamus McCarthy, I saw you in church last week! You want to go to Heaven?” Seamus agrees, and O’Toole merely points in the direction of the sorrowful Mr. Quinn. Seamus quaffs his pint in one go, which earns him a massive glare from the good Father, but he goes over to stand next to Quinn as ordered.

Ballinalacken Castle

O’Toole takes a couple of steps to where Paddy Connolly sits, back to the ruckus, hunched over his fresh pint. The priest turns Paddy partway around on his stool, but Paddy keeps both hands on his Guinness.

“You want to go to Heaven, Paddy?” O’Toole yells louder than ever.

Paddy quietly answers, “No, not really,” and steals a big sip of his stout.

“What!” exclaims Father O’Toole. “You mean to tell me you don’t want to go to Heaven?”

Paddy has a sheepish look on his face when he says, “Well, yeah and sure I do, when I die.” He nervously gulps down more brew.

O’Toole looks around with a smug smirk. “See? Paddy DOES want to go to Heaven when he dies,” he says. He returns his fierce gaze to his victim. “So why did you say you didn’t want to go to Heaven the first time?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, Padre,” Paddy continues, wiping foam from his lips, “I was worried you was getting a party together to go now.”

Dublin Rainbow

Happy St. Patrick’s Day from the Elves here at the Underground! (They do say, though, that they’re not sharing their pot o’ gold with you. They said, and I paraphrase since this is a family comic strip, “Go find your own.”) Go easy on the Water of Life, there’s only so much made each year. And remember to eat plenty of that traditional Irish egg custard dish that’s so popular on March 17th.

After all, don’t they say “Quiche Me, I’m Irish” on St. Paddy’s Day…

Enjoy the (Green Beer and Irish Cuisine) Heat!

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