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Friday Follies: The End of the World is Nigh, and Bacon is to Blame

This entry is part of a series, Follies 2011»

Baby Bacon

I know there are a lot of prophecy-mongering idjits prognosticators claiming we’re in the final age of the World. (By the way, that’s always true.) Maybe you agree, what with all the turmoil in Africa and the Middle East, the awful disaster in Japan, and the funky weather in the States.

Well, you’d be right. And you’d be wrong.

It IS the end of the world. At least soon. But the reason’s bacon. More specifically, bacon-scented perfume.

Back in 2008, an obscure post by Mr. Bacon Pants hinted that somebody was thinking about making a bacon-scented cologne or perfume. (Mr. Bacon Pants himself suggested that bacon-scented laundry soap would be a better idea, but so far, nobody’s bit on that one.) It seems that they were only a few years ahead of the curve on this idea.

Bacon Slab

Fargginay is now marketing bac┼Źn, a fragrance for men that includes the essence of, well, bacon grease. For a mere $36 a bottle! So rush right out and get your case, before everybody reads this post and they sell out in an Internet feeding frenzy that hasn’t been seen since Charlie’s tour tickets went on sale. You can get two different versions too! the Gold, which has citrus overtones, or Classic, which smells like maple syrup. All standard breakfast aromas!

I’m guessing this will For Sure cure your problem with the women. After all, what red-blooded American female wouldn’t chase a man who smells like pan-scorched pig’s belly…

P.S. Today, April 15, is National Cleavage Day. I don’t know what that has to do with bacon cologne, exactly. If you’re interested, check the tag #nationalcleavageday on Twitter for confirmation…

Enjoy the (Outrageous, World-Ending Essence) Heat!

Entries in this series:
  1. Friday Follies: Weirdest Snacks, Dumb (and Hungry) Burglars, and Why Google is Like Bananas
  2. Friday Follies: Cakes That Make You Laugh (Maybe), and Which Food Best Represents Your State
  3. Friday Follies: Green Bugs to Replace Red Meat On Your Plate?
  4. Friday Follies: How to Pour a Beer Every Second (Almost)
  5. How Beer Saved the World (and, You Heard It Here First!)
  6. Friday Follies: Become a Professional Beer Expert (And You Thought All You Had to Do Was Drink)
  7. What's for Dinner Gets Automated, In a Weird Sort of Way
  8. Follies Extra: Is That a Chile Pepper On Your Plate, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
  9. Friday Follies: Oh, You Wanted the Mayo On the Side, Eh?
  10. Friday Follies: Eating Like a Monk During Lent
  11. Friday Follies: O No, You Got a Spork in the Salad Shooter!
  12. Friday Follies: Food Network Now Wants to Play Ball
  13. Friday Follies: Chile Underground Voted Number One Food Blog
  14. Friday Follies: Beer, It's What's for Breakfast
  15. Friday Follies: The End of the World is Nigh, and Bacon is to Blame
  16. Virtual Reality Gives “Cookie Monster” a Whole New Meaning
  17. Friday Follies: Do-It-Yourself Egg Art, and That’s No Yolk
  18. Burger Follies: A Fight Over Killer Burgers, In-N-Out in Texas, and Burger America Goes Second Edition
  19. Friday Follies: Once I Saw These, I Didn’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance…
  20. Friday Follies: Peppers Help Preggers to Pop
  21. Follies: Barbeque That Goes Where You Go, All Day Long
  22. Follies: How to Carry Your Liquor, and Don’t Do’s at the Bar
  23. Going to China for the Aquatics Championships? Don’t Eat the Pork…
  24. Zesty Chili Doesn’t Make Lingerie More Exciting for One Woman
  25. Follies: Edible Clay, Eu de Play-Doh, and a Website You Can’t Live Without
  26. Important News Concerning Two Essential Food Groups: Beer and Hamburgers
  27. Follies Extra: A Multitude of Uses for Beer (Besides Drinking)
  28. Chocolate’s Better’n Carrots, But Is Miracle Whip Really Good for Your Love Life?
  29. Who Says Lutherans Don’t Know How to Party? Watch This…
  30. There’s Something Big Stirring at UMass…
  31. Salsa Proves Too Hot for Owner; He’s Smoked…
  32. Would You Like Some Al Yankovic With That Veal Cordon Bleu? And Other Food-Music News
  33. A Salmagundi of Savory Silliness
  34. Doritos Situation Grave, and (Lust for) Alcohol Makes You Stupid
  35. “A Bear Walked Into a Grocery…” And It’s No Joke…
  36. French Ban Ketchup? This Means War! Again…
  37. Armadillo as Weapon, Bar Fun With Guns, and Another Humongous Burger
  38. Pizza as Vegetable? Okay; Why Not Chocolate, or Cheez Whiz, or Kool Whip, or …
  39. A Meal That Makes You Glad You Have Leftovers From Thanksgiving
  40. Why This May Be the Last Christmas Ever
  41. If You’re Going Out Into the Snow, Take Your Beer Along (Lots of It)
  42. No Eat Strong Pig, Eat Monster Gummy Bear Instead
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