I know there are a lot of prophecy-mongering idjits prognosticators claiming we’re in the final age of the World. (By the way, that’s always true.) Maybe you agree, what with all the turmoil in Africa and the Middle East, the awful disaster in Japan, and the funky weather in the States.
Well, you’d be right. And you’d be wrong.
It IS the end of the world. At least soon. But the reason’s bacon. More specifically, bacon-scented perfume.
Back in 2008, an obscure post by Mr. Bacon Pants hinted that somebody was thinking about making a bacon-scented cologne or perfume. (Mr. Bacon Pants himself suggested that bacon-scented laundry soap would be a better idea, but so far, nobody’s bit on that one.) It seems that they were only a few years ahead of the curve on this idea.
Fargginay is now marketing bacōn, a fragrance for men that includes the essence of, well, bacon grease. For a mere $36 a bottle! So rush right out and get your case, before everybody reads this post and they sell out in an Internet feeding frenzy that hasn’t been seen since Charlie’s tour tickets went on sale. You can get two different versions too! the Gold, which has citrus overtones, or Classic, which smells like maple syrup. All standard breakfast aromas!
I’m guessing this will For Sure cure your problem with the women. After all, what red-blooded American female wouldn’t chase a man who smells like pan-scorched pig’s belly…
P.S. Today, April 15, is National Cleavage Day. I don’t know what that has to do with bacon cologne, exactly. If you’re interested, check the tag #nationalcleavageday on Twitter for confirmation…
Enjoy the (Outrageous, World-Ending Essence) Heat!
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