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Follies: Barbeque That Goes Where You Go, All Day Long

This entry is part of a series, Follies 2011»


In a world full of phony commodities, including fake car passengers (beat the HOV lane), impostor jeans (eat anything, they’ll fit), sham camisoles (cleavage control, dontcha know), and even fictionalized basketball player names (Whirled Peas??), it’s nice to know that Real Products for Real Men are still being invented. I’m not talking about tasers (great ‘coon hunting accessory), manly attachments for your mudrunner truck (be proud AND nuts), or the latest in state-of-the-art catfish catchers (the view from the bottom).

Oh no; we’re talking Major Breakthrough here. One that’s sure to help you avoid yet another “night out with the boys” wasted with the boys turn you into a dominating chick magnet.

That’s right. We’re talking barbeque. Specifically, barbeque-scented cologne.

We here at the Chile Underground have gleefully assailed and occasionally dismayed you never flinched from our duty to report on the finest in Real Men accoutrements. We’ve dutifully announced important advances for civilization such as the Wake n’ Bacon alarm clock, the White Castle candle and the Cruzin Cooler (not to mention bacon-flavored soda and beer spas). Shoot, we’ve even delved into the depths of high-fashion fragrance before. (We did stay away from the switchblade mustache comb and the electronic yodeling pickle, though; which proves we are routinely asleep at the switch have some modicum of good taste.)

But this news, well, it’s actually hard to describe how big this is. Really. Terms like Godzilla or King Kong simply don’t approach the size requirements. I mean, how else can you get that heady mixture of burnt protein, smoke and sweat stenches sensations in a convenient bottle? A few drops behind each ear and you’ll have a whole flock of ladies following you around. (And the dogs.)

Not yet convinced? Then take a look:

So hurry online and order a case or six. Makes great Christmas gifts too! (Hanukkah, not so much.) Just like Baconnaise, you can’t ever have too much Que around the ol’ house…

(Oh, and in case you’re wondering what the recipe is for a personal beer spa? Take your kid’s portable pool, add two kegs of beer, and stir with your trolling motor. All you need is a straw! Bathing suit optional, of course.)

Enjoy the (Sweet, Meaty Aromas of Summer) Heat!

Entries in this series:
  1. Friday Follies: Weirdest Snacks, Dumb (and Hungry) Burglars, and Why Google is Like Bananas
  2. Friday Follies: Cakes That Make You Laugh (Maybe), and Which Food Best Represents Your State
  3. Friday Follies: Green Bugs to Replace Red Meat On Your Plate?
  4. Friday Follies: How to Pour a Beer Every Second (Almost)
  5. How Beer Saved the World (and, You Heard It Here First!)
  6. Friday Follies: Become a Professional Beer Expert (And You Thought All You Had to Do Was Drink)
  7. What's for Dinner Gets Automated, In a Weird Sort of Way
  8. Follies Extra: Is That a Chile Pepper On Your Plate, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
  9. Friday Follies: Oh, You Wanted the Mayo On the Side, Eh?
  10. Friday Follies: Eating Like a Monk During Lent
  11. Friday Follies: O No, You Got a Spork in the Salad Shooter!
  12. Friday Follies: Food Network Now Wants to Play Ball
  13. Friday Follies: Chile Underground Voted Number One Food Blog
  14. Friday Follies: Beer, It's What's for Breakfast
  15. Friday Follies: The End of the World is Nigh, and Bacon is to Blame
  16. Virtual Reality Gives “Cookie Monster” a Whole New Meaning
  17. Friday Follies: Do-It-Yourself Egg Art, and That’s No Yolk
  18. Burger Follies: A Fight Over Killer Burgers, In-N-Out in Texas, and Burger America Goes Second Edition
  19. Friday Follies: Once I Saw These, I Didn’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance…
  20. Friday Follies: Peppers Help Preggers to Pop
  21. Follies: Barbeque That Goes Where You Go, All Day Long
  22. Follies: How to Carry Your Liquor, and Don’t Do’s at the Bar
  23. Going to China for the Aquatics Championships? Don’t Eat the Pork…
  24. Zesty Chili Doesn’t Make Lingerie More Exciting for One Woman
  25. Follies: Edible Clay, Eu de Play-Doh, and a Website You Can’t Live Without
  26. Important News Concerning Two Essential Food Groups: Beer and Hamburgers
  27. Follies Extra: A Multitude of Uses for Beer (Besides Drinking)
  28. Chocolate’s Better’n Carrots, But Is Miracle Whip Really Good for Your Love Life?
  29. Who Says Lutherans Don’t Know How to Party? Watch This…
  30. There’s Something Big Stirring at UMass…
  31. Salsa Proves Too Hot for Owner; He’s Smoked…
  32. Would You Like Some Al Yankovic With That Veal Cordon Bleu? And Other Food-Music News
  33. A Salmagundi of Savory Silliness
  34. Doritos Situation Grave, and (Lust for) Alcohol Makes You Stupid
  35. “A Bear Walked Into a Grocery…” And It’s No Joke…
  36. French Ban Ketchup? This Means War! Again…
  37. Armadillo as Weapon, Bar Fun With Guns, and Another Humongous Burger
  38. Pizza as Vegetable? Okay; Why Not Chocolate, or Cheez Whiz, or Kool Whip, or …
  39. A Meal That Makes You Glad You Have Leftovers From Thanksgiving
  40. Why This May Be the Last Christmas Ever
  41. If You’re Going Out Into the Snow, Take Your Beer Along (Lots of It)
  42. No Eat Strong Pig, Eat Monster Gummy Bear Instead
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