Follies: How to Carry Your Liquor, and Don’t Do’s at the Bar

Some people just don’t know how to handle their liquor. Well, if you’re one of those (I’m not saying, I’m just saying), then the Elves here in the Department of Important Finds have really found something just for you.

Luggage. For your brew, fruit o’ the vine, or harder stuff.

We’ve already posted before on the Wine Rack, which is still popular with the ladies who wish to be doubly endowed. But wait, there’s more! How about a small flask with a cross-section that looks like an old-fashioned mustache? (Why, I haven’t a clew.) It’s a real conversation starter under certain circumstances.

Or maybe you’re more the disposable flask sort of person? Have we got a deal for you! A tough plastic pouch that you’d much rather lose than your heirloom, monogrammed silver hip flask. (You DO have an heirloom, monogrammed silver hip flask, yes? YES??)

There are several other nice options, including the Burton Liquid Lounger, a camera-flask for the spy who enjoys a little tipple while on a stakeout, and the classic Stanley thermos. All work very well. Consider buying several, so you have all your travel options covered.

While a nice hip flask may be a conversation-starter at the bar, there are lots of things that aren’t so welcome there. A recent Gawker article details a few. While that post is more of a personal rant, there’s way too much truth in most of it. Like, why would you bring your baby there? And what’s the attraction of Beer Pong, exactly? (Like you need help to get stonkered.) And why, oh why, does anybody still ride that bull? In fact, why do they still have it? Don’t they know that Travolta sold the hat, and can’t do that anymore since he broke his shoulder?

About the only quibble I have is with their objection to dancing on top of things. If you prohibit that, then how will a redneck ever pick up somebody? Shoot, that might even make rednecks extinct…

Enjoy the (Liquor Goes With Dumb Stuff) Heat!