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Important News Concerning Two Essential Food Groups: Beer and Hamburgers

This entry is part of a series, Follies 2011»

Beer Muscle

Beer and hamburgers go together like apple pie and sharp Cheddar. Like pork and beans. Like Cheech and Chong. (Well, okay; maybe a borderline choice there.) Like bacon and eggs and syrup and pancakes. Like Burns and Allen. You get the picture.

That’s what makes today’s news so momentous. Crucial, even. Indeed, of paramount importance. So pay attention, readers! Here it comes…

First, the meaty part. As in large hamburger. The largest, in fact. Commercially available, we’re saying. That means you could buy one! It was shown off at the Alameda County Fair last month. The price? A mere $5,000. Since it weighs in at almost 800 lbs, that’s only about $6.25 a pound or so. Cooked and ready for you to eat, no less. Listen, it’s a great deal! Go to your neighborhood malt and burger drive-through and you’ll pay that much for a quarter-pounder with fries. And that’s only a quarter of a pound of beef! BEFORE cooking. This monster, prepared by the fine folks at Juicy’s Outlaw Grill, was weighed AFTER cooking. If you put back in the 200 pounds or so of fat that cooked out; well, you get my point, I think.

Some other interesting trivial facts of trivia: The burger was topped with 50 pounds of cheese, 30 pounds of lettuce and 20 pounds of onions. A forklift had to be used to place the sandwich onto the scales. There was over 1,375,000 calories in this creation; enough to feed one person for two years. (No word on which person that is, exactly.) Guinness has certified it for their World Records.

If you want one, be sure to order a couple of days in advance. If they say they’re out, it’s not because they don’t have the meat, it’s that big bun it goes on that’s missing.

Bes tBurger

On the brewski front, a recent article details some of the health benefits of beer. Yep, all this time you thought drinking beer was only about getting wasted, wearing a chicken-head hat and breaking a bone or two sliding down your kids’ Slip-‘n-Slide in the driveway taste and socializing. Oh no, the stuff’s actually good for you! It contains antioxidants and vitamins, which can help prevent heart disease and build muscle. (THAT’s what’s under those wife-beaters.) It has lots of readily-available energy, from the processed carbohydrates and the alcohol. Of course, there’s all that water too; helps you avoid dehydration.

Which beers are best? Dark beers and microbrewery products. These have the most antioxidants, as well as having more iron than other beers. So don’t drink that wimpy light beer swill, drink the good stuff! Oh, another great side-benefit of the microbrewed beers comes from their high hops content. Hops contain polyphenols. (No, it’s not a disease and not contagious.) Polyphenols help lower cholesterol, fight cancer and kill viruses. How’s that for a trio of bennies, eh?

Just remember, more isn’t always better. So limit yourself to one per day. (If it’s one keg, I’m not looking, so it’s not my fault.) After all, if you embarrass yourself again you just know there’ll be some smart-aleck with a camera nearby…

Enjoy the (Beef and Brew) Heat!

Entries in this series:
  1. Friday Follies: Weirdest Snacks, Dumb (and Hungry) Burglars, and Why Google is Like Bananas
  2. Friday Follies: Cakes That Make You Laugh (Maybe), and Which Food Best Represents Your State
  3. Friday Follies: Green Bugs to Replace Red Meat On Your Plate?
  4. Friday Follies: How to Pour a Beer Every Second (Almost)
  5. How Beer Saved the World (and, You Heard It Here First!)
  6. Friday Follies: Become a Professional Beer Expert (And You Thought All You Had to Do Was Drink)
  7. What's for Dinner Gets Automated, In a Weird Sort of Way
  8. Follies Extra: Is That a Chile Pepper On Your Plate, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
  9. Friday Follies: Oh, You Wanted the Mayo On the Side, Eh?
  10. Friday Follies: Eating Like a Monk During Lent
  11. Friday Follies: O No, You Got a Spork in the Salad Shooter!
  12. Friday Follies: Food Network Now Wants to Play Ball
  13. Friday Follies: Chile Underground Voted Number One Food Blog
  14. Friday Follies: Beer, It's What's for Breakfast
  15. Friday Follies: The End of the World is Nigh, and Bacon is to Blame
  16. Virtual Reality Gives “Cookie Monster” a Whole New Meaning
  17. Friday Follies: Do-It-Yourself Egg Art, and That’s No Yolk
  18. Burger Follies: A Fight Over Killer Burgers, In-N-Out in Texas, and Burger America Goes Second Edition
  19. Friday Follies: Once I Saw These, I Didn’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance…
  20. Friday Follies: Peppers Help Preggers to Pop
  21. Follies: Barbeque That Goes Where You Go, All Day Long
  22. Follies: How to Carry Your Liquor, and Don’t Do’s at the Bar
  23. Going to China for the Aquatics Championships? Don’t Eat the Pork…
  24. Zesty Chili Doesn’t Make Lingerie More Exciting for One Woman
  25. Follies: Edible Clay, Eu de Play-Doh, and a Website You Can’t Live Without
  26. Important News Concerning Two Essential Food Groups: Beer and Hamburgers
  27. Follies Extra: A Multitude of Uses for Beer (Besides Drinking)
  28. Chocolate’s Better’n Carrots, But Is Miracle Whip Really Good for Your Love Life?
  29. Who Says Lutherans Don’t Know How to Party? Watch This…
  30. There’s Something Big Stirring at UMass…
  31. Salsa Proves Too Hot for Owner; He’s Smoked…
  32. Would You Like Some Al Yankovic With That Veal Cordon Bleu? And Other Food-Music News
  33. A Salmagundi of Savory Silliness
  34. Doritos Situation Grave, and (Lust for) Alcohol Makes You Stupid
  35. “A Bear Walked Into a Grocery…” And It’s No Joke…
  36. French Ban Ketchup? This Means War! Again…
  37. Armadillo as Weapon, Bar Fun With Guns, and Another Humongous Burger
  38. Pizza as Vegetable? Okay; Why Not Chocolate, or Cheez Whiz, or Kool Whip, or …
  39. A Meal That Makes You Glad You Have Leftovers From Thanksgiving
  40. Why This May Be the Last Christmas Ever
  41. If You’re Going Out Into the Snow, Take Your Beer Along (Lots of It)
  42. No Eat Strong Pig, Eat Monster Gummy Bear Instead
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