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Doritos Situation Grave, and (Lust for) Alcohol Makes You Stupid

This entry is part of a series, Follies 2011»

Doritos

Arch West led the Frito-Lay team that invented the Dorito (first sold in 1964), a snack that’s now sold worldwide with annual sales in the billions of dollars. This brand of chips has had its ups and downs, with sales falling so badly in recent years that PepsiCo (owners of the Dorito brand) has launched the largest snack-food makeover and rebranding in food history. They’ve been around so long that there have even been lawsuits by people claiming they were harmed by the chip. (So far, no victories for these snack-attackers.)

Sadly, Arch died recently at the age of 97. His connection to Doritos doesn’t end with his passing, however. The family tossed handfuls of the snack chip into his grave just before he was covered over. RIP, Arch; and good snacking, wherever you are.

In other food-related silliness, three teenagers tried to “borrow” some beer from a convenience store in Covina, CA, but somehow their attempt went badly astray. The hapless trio engineered their attempt by having two go into the store while one remained outside in the getaway conveyance. The thieves entered the store in the mid-afternoon and each grabbed a big box of Tecate. A nice start, they thought, as now they had 60 cans of beer to go. However, a store employee noticed the action and began to follow the dynamic drinking duo. One of the robbers noticed they were being followed as other employees joined in; he quickly parted company with his illicit gains, which was then aided by gravity and promptly crashed to the floor. That complex ploy failed, however, as an employee grabbed the young fool anyway. The other fellow got into the car with his beer, however, and the remaining two took off, leaving their cohort to his fate.

A brave (or foolish, you decide) employee wound up on the hood of the car when he tried to intervene in the getaway. The car managed to go about 50 yards before “crashing into a curb.” (Man, they must have some killer curbs in Covina.) The stymied stooges fled on foot and were pursued by police. The one guy with the beer tried a movie-style stunt to get away: He ran through an operating car wash. Unfortunately, these weren’t the Keystone Kops; one of Covina’s finest was waiting at the exit for the now squeaky-clean dirty guy.

The third accomplice, the anti-Transporter who attempted the drive-off, got away from the pursuit. However, there was one tiny complication, hardly worth mentioning; he’d left his wallet, complete with identification, in the now-abandoned car. Once again, the police weren’t so bemused as to miss this opportunity, and they quickly closed the deal by apprehending the final fugitive.

The most important fact: All the Tecate was recovered (although some cans may have been dented).

Finally, it’s clear that the robbery reported above isn’t an isolated incident. Two thieves attempted to help themselves to some spirits at a Colorado Springs liquor store, but things quickly went off the tracks here too. The first fellow went inside and grabbed a bottle, but the store owner used a remote control to lock the door of the store. The getaway accomplice, seeing the plight of his buddy (and the alcohol, don’t forget the alcohol), promptly pulled out his pistol and, in true Hollywood style, began to shoot out the glass of the door. All he managed to do, though, was to wound his accomplice in the foot. (One bullet, two feet wounded, if you get my drift.) The Colorado Springs police weren’t as successful as their colleagues in California, though; the shooter got away (so far).

No word on the fate of the bottle of hootch.

What is it with these guys? They’re already too brainless to be allowed to drink; which may explain their desire to steal booze. Sadly, I doubt these incidents have wizened up any of these chumps, and may have given bad ideas to the next crop of idjits. Alcohol really does make you stupid…

If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Don’t Steal the Firewater

Entries in this series:
  1. Friday Follies: Weirdest Snacks, Dumb (and Hungry) Burglars, and Why Google is Like Bananas
  2. Friday Follies: Cakes That Make You Laugh (Maybe), and Which Food Best Represents Your State
  3. Friday Follies: Green Bugs to Replace Red Meat On Your Plate?
  4. Friday Follies: How to Pour a Beer Every Second (Almost)
  5. How Beer Saved the World (and, You Heard It Here First!)
  6. Friday Follies: Become a Professional Beer Expert (And You Thought All You Had to Do Was Drink)
  7. What's for Dinner Gets Automated, In a Weird Sort of Way
  8. Follies Extra: Is That a Chile Pepper On Your Plate, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
  9. Friday Follies: Oh, You Wanted the Mayo On the Side, Eh?
  10. Friday Follies: Eating Like a Monk During Lent
  11. Friday Follies: O No, You Got a Spork in the Salad Shooter!
  12. Friday Follies: Food Network Now Wants to Play Ball
  13. Friday Follies: Chile Underground Voted Number One Food Blog
  14. Friday Follies: Beer, It's What's for Breakfast
  15. Friday Follies: The End of the World is Nigh, and Bacon is to Blame
  16. Virtual Reality Gives “Cookie Monster” a Whole New Meaning
  17. Friday Follies: Do-It-Yourself Egg Art, and That’s No Yolk
  18. Burger Follies: A Fight Over Killer Burgers, In-N-Out in Texas, and Burger America Goes Second Edition
  19. Friday Follies: Once I Saw These, I Didn’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance…
  20. Friday Follies: Peppers Help Preggers to Pop
  21. Follies: Barbeque That Goes Where You Go, All Day Long
  22. Follies: How to Carry Your Liquor, and Don’t Do’s at the Bar
  23. Going to China for the Aquatics Championships? Don’t Eat the Pork…
  24. Zesty Chili Doesn’t Make Lingerie More Exciting for One Woman
  25. Follies: Edible Clay, Eu de Play-Doh, and a Website You Can’t Live Without
  26. Important News Concerning Two Essential Food Groups: Beer and Hamburgers
  27. Follies Extra: A Multitude of Uses for Beer (Besides Drinking)
  28. Chocolate’s Better’n Carrots, But Is Miracle Whip Really Good for Your Love Life?
  29. Who Says Lutherans Don’t Know How to Party? Watch This…
  30. There’s Something Big Stirring at UMass…
  31. Salsa Proves Too Hot for Owner; He’s Smoked…
  32. Would You Like Some Al Yankovic With That Veal Cordon Bleu? And Other Food-Music News
  33. A Salmagundi of Savory Silliness
  34. Doritos Situation Grave, and (Lust for) Alcohol Makes You Stupid
  35. “A Bear Walked Into a Grocery…” And It’s No Joke…
  36. French Ban Ketchup? This Means War! Again…
  37. Armadillo as Weapon, Bar Fun With Guns, and Another Humongous Burger
  38. Pizza as Vegetable? Okay; Why Not Chocolate, or Cheez Whiz, or Kool Whip, or …
  39. A Meal That Makes You Glad You Have Leftovers From Thanksgiving
  40. Why This May Be the Last Christmas Ever
  41. If You’re Going Out Into the Snow, Take Your Beer Along (Lots of It)
  42. No Eat Strong Pig, Eat Monster Gummy Bear Instead
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