If You’re Going Out Into the Snow, Take Your Beer Along (Lots of It)

A recent note in the Anchorage Daily News is a clarion call for all you Real Men who plan on spending any time in snowy climes this winter: Take your beer along! Clifton Vial of Nome found himself in a dangerous, almost certainly deadly, parlous predicament wee pickle. You see, Mr. Vial managed to get stranded on a winding road near Salmon Lake. Wearing only tennis shoes, jeans and a light jacket. (I guess there’s no monopoly on this sort of thing down South.) At least he had his Pink Floyd recordings in the pickup. And a sleeping bag liner and bath towel.

And some cans of Coors Light. Frozen solid Coors, to be precise.

Three days later, with the whole village looking for him, he was rescued, and not too much the worse for wear. During that time the temperatures dipped to 17 below (Farenheit or Centigrade, that’s almighty chilly) and winds blew a gale. Doughty Clifton, though, managed to pull through by cutting the tops off the beer cans and eating the contents like eating beans. Very cold beans. He got very little sleep as he was worried he wouldn’t wake up again in that cold. But he had nutritious, refreshing Coors!

After his rescue Mr. Vial feasted on a Snickers bar and an orange soda. No word on whether he declined further frosty canned sandwiches.

Mr. Vial didn’t have any real signs of frostbite when he was rescued; does that make Coors Light a miracle preventative? In any case, he may have inadvertently invented a new super-speed diet plan (now trademarked as the Nome Weight Loss Plan): He lost 16 pounds in just 60 hours! Wait until the supermodels hear about this one…

Enjoy the (Frosty the Beerman) Heat!