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The Not-So-Secret Life of Bacon

Bacon Slab

As the man said, “Forget sex, bacon sells.” There are few foods that bacon can’t boost the flavor of. Even beef tenderloin gets better with a strip or two of bacon wrapped around it. Put a few strips across the top of a slightly tenderized hockey puck and you’ve got yourself an award-winning burger; or at least one that sells. (That’s the basis for all too many fast-food burgers, in my opinion.) Here in the South we collect bacon drippings for all sorts of uses later on; some of them even in the kitchen.

Yeah, that piggly product is powerful stuff.

Nowadays there’s a real explosion of interest in bacon across the nation, and globally. Books, festivals, tours, and all kinds of novel eats and other products. You’re not sure about that? Take a look at the Bacon Turtle Sausage Burger, then. Or the Bacon Explosion. On the festivals front, there’s the Baconpocalypse, the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival, Baconfest Chicago, Bacon Fest Sacramento, the Knoxville Bacon Fest, and the Keystone Bacon Festival. (That’s just on the first page of the search.)

Then there are the wonderful, mesmerizing, and sometimes just plain wacky bacon-related products. Here’s a short list: Bacon cupcakes, bacon ice cream, bacon pasta, bacon doughnuts, bacon frosting, chocolate-covered bacon, Mo’s Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar, Bacon Salt and Baconnaise (it’s kosher, by the way). Moving past food, we get: Bacon wallets, bacon dresses, bacon-scented, bacon print tuxedos, bacon lunchboxes, bacon air fresheners, bacon lip balm, Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages, bacon spray, and bacon cologne. There’s a bacon bra, bacon underwear, bacon onesies for infants, and bacon tee-shirts.

Baby Bacon

Appliances and tools? Got that: The bacon alarm clock, the bacon torch, and the BA-K-47, America’s No. 1 bacon-based assault rifle. (Says so right on the label.) There’s bacon lube, and even “Naughty Bacon.”

Bacon gumballs, bacon flavored mints, bacon beans, lollipops, and a bacon iPhone case. For the kids, there’s Porky Pooper. Yep, an inexpensive toy that’s, well, educational, after a fashion. Gummy bacon? Check. Bakon vodka? Got it. Bacon-flavored envelopes? Who doesn’t already own a box of these lovelies? Bacon flavored floss; bacon soap; Mr. Bacon (and Monsieur Tofu) bendable action figures (only one can remain on top of the food chain!); even a cancer-awareness style wristband with “bacon” on it, promoting, well, bacon.

Need I say more?

To find out even more delicious and intriguing details, go to these websites: The Most Ridiculous Bacon Products; Ridiculous Bacon Products Slideshow; Gotta Watch: Bacon Mania; Naughty Bacon. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to finish your Christmas shopping before Easter this year…

(P.S. The links police made me stop putting in connections to other sites. After all, this is a piece about bacon, not sausage. [Snort!] Tell me you saw it coming…)

Enjoy the (Phenomenal Porcine Products) Heat!


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